By Shaun Daniel
If the trunk of your Christmas tree is visible, there is still time to pick up a gift that will delight that special someone.
Introducing NihilTM, a provocative new product line from Nemo®.
In creating Nihil, we began with careful hand selection by a lifestyle expert in the verdant forests of East Asia. Along with collecting rare earth elements and choosing some of the world’s most exquisite hardwoods for harvest, Nemo is committed to revegetation and reclamation. In keeping with this policy, we have helped to expand the grasslands of Asia every year and created new opportunities for local palm oil farmers. Additional ingredients are sourced from recycled pre-consumer glycerin, organic benzene, and a proprietary blend of herbs, including green tea, a known source of antioxidants.
With these ingredients, our product professionals work closely with entrepreneurs to ensure that traditional craftsmen meet the same quality standards with every Nihil. Nemo then partners with local merchants around the world to import Nihil and provide shoppers with an authentic experience — always with a mind toward you, the customer.
What’s more, the fine detailing and exquisite workmanship of Nihil are highlighted by eco-friendly, compostable packaging. To further underscore Nemo’s responsibility to its customers and the environment, each of our production facilities is powered by the industry leader in clean coal, with carbon emissions from the packaging line offset through broad-scale wetlands restoration in the Atacama.
Smooth lines and ultra-soft microfibers characterize Nihil’s classic styling. Containing no antibiotics and no CFCs, the evocative scent of Nihil is all-natural with the almond undertones of apple seeds infused with the barest wisp of red earth radon. Element artists add a layer of Emerald Green for that final je ne sais quoi. A warm and tingling sensation lets the user know Nihil is working.
Nihil is a river. Nihil is life. Nothing is like Nihil. A product of unprecedented quality and value, order by December 21 to have your gift specially wrapped in non-opaque, artisanal paper alternative.
Shaun Daniel is a graduate student in Environmental Humanities. (In case you could not tell, this is a work of satire.)